Like: Why do old maids wear silk gloves?
Because they don’t like kids.
A friend loaned me one of Thos W. Jackson’s 14 ‘humorous? books. All were copyrighted before 1908.
Today some stand-uppers rely on dirty words to get laughs. Four letter words and innuendo comments stir some audiences to at least snicker.
Well, this 100-year-old book of humor had no dirty words in it, but has many hints of off-color stuff, racism, direct slams at stereotyped nationalities, southerners, etc.
There’s a whole lot of playing with words. Like: How would you start to work a typewriter?
Take her out to lunch.
And poetry:
A young lady went walking with a young man by the name of Hatch.
He kissed her in the potato patch.
The next day they were surprised
when they heard the potatoes had eyes.
And conundrums:
Why did the salt shaker?
Because he saw the spoon holder.
Why are all the highest leaves on a tree like a dog’s tail?
Because they are farthest from the bark.
What is a falling star?
A drunken policeman.
When is a pickle not a pickle?
When it is a cucumber.
A hair in the head is worth two in the brush.
Rhyme: There was a young lady named Mable,
That danced on the dining-room table.
She blushed very red,
When a gentleman said,
Oh, look at the legs on the table.
A grass-widow is like a grasshopper, they will both jump at the first chance.
And there’s advice:
This to older men: When a young woman casts her eyes on a man over forty, she is flirting with his pocketbook. They say woman is a jewel. Yes, but the man is the setting that supports the gem. A woman’s tongue is like the stars above. They rule every man. A man ought to be through chasing rainbows by the time he is forty. Yes, fast women and slow horses have put many a man to the bad.
I was walking up the street looking high,
When something dropped right in my eye.
Well, I’m glad that cows don’t fly.
I warned you this stuff is corny.
Why is it the little flies can’t see through the window? Because they leave their specks behind.
Why is a horse like a stick of candy? Because the more you lick it, the faster it goes.
I can tell what you’re thinking about! Why don’t you hit me then.
I don’t see anything to laugh at. You are not standing where I am.
I think President Taft was one of the politest men in the world. When he got up to give his seat to a lady on the street car, he let two sit down. He was so fat, the only thing he could buy ready made was a handkerchief.
While I stopped at a hotel there was a murder in the next room. A paperhanger hung a border.
While I was walking along the street a policeman came up to me and said, ‘Are you drunk?? I said, ‘Are you jealous??
What are the 12 temptations of man? Eleven beers and a woman.
I heard you had some trouble at the bank. Just lost my balance, that’s all.
Was you vaccinated?
Yes!
Where?
In the school house.
I had an awful fright last night.
Yes, I saw you with her.
I have met many, liked a few,
Love but one – Here’s to you.