(Editor’s Note: Names and some details have been changed to protect identities of the Brandon Township family in this story.)
Trisha has the fiercely protective instinct shared by most mothers, but over the course of the past year of her son Aaron’s heroin addiction, she has learned a hard truth.
‘I thought I could save him, but I had to learn for myself, I can’t,? she said. ‘I can’t save him, he’s the only one who can.?
Aaron’s path to heroin addiction is one that is well-worn by others who have shared the same journey to hell. He began by accepting an offer of Vicodin pills from a friend, then started using OxyContin and stole to fund the $200 per day habit, and when it became too expensive and difficult to obtain, moved on to heroin, which is cheap and easy to find.
Her son hit the other common stumbling blocks on the heroin journey, too? losing his job, his friends, and ending up in jail.
His parents were in denial even as he dropped weight, withdrew from them and had irrational bouts of anger. All of this took place when Aaron was well into his 20s. He and his sibling had been raised in a middle-class home with both parents, who often discussed the dangers of drugs. Aaron played sports in high school, had good grades, graduated from Brandon High School, went on to college. Then came the friend who offered Vicodin, and it wasn’t until he was taking OxyContin that Trisha noticed something was off by his mood swings and weight loss. She didn’t yet know that the family silver and jewelry was gone, but she began asking questions.
‘He had a certain look in his eyes when he was high, and I would say, ‘What are you taking?? He denied everything, but I knew in my heart,? said Trisha. ‘I was scared to death that I was losing my child. I didn’t know at the time what addiction to opiates was.?
Jeannie Richards knew. The Waterford resident found her son, Bryan, dead in his bedroom on Jan. 27, 2012, with a needle still in his arm. He was 26.
Richards had spent the previous 18 months struggling to help her son, a father of two, whose addiction had started with Vicodin, prescribed after he broke an ankle playing basketball. When he could no longer get the Vicodin, he turned to heroin.
‘After his death, it took me a year to realize what happened, why it happened and how I didn’t see it coming,? said Richards. ‘I really went through a range of emotions. I realized I did what I knew to do at the time. People don’t realize how it is infiltrating our community and people don’t want to talk about it. There is a stigma.?
In October 2013, Richards started a Facebook page, ‘Heroin Epidemic in Waterford.? The page had 400 likes within a week. Within two weeks there were 700 likes and on Nov. 7, 2013, Richards hosted a meeting where 45 people showed up, many angry and crying as they shared their stories and Bryan’s HOPE (Heroin and Opiate Prevention and Education) was born. The non-profit organization is a support group as well as a resource for families suffering from addiction.
‘It is a family disease,? said Richards. ‘If you’re not the user, you hurt just as much, because when your loved one hurts, you hurt. When our kids are out, we can’t sleep. Every time the phone rings, you’re so afraid to answer, you’re afraid of every car that drives by. It’s traumatically horrific when your child is an addict. People don’t get it until you find yourself in it. We are a support system, we get moms or dads in recovery. They don’t want to end up like me, with a child who dies. It’s a living, waking nightmare. We tell our stories so you don’t have to feel ashamed and don’t have to suffer in silence. I tell my story and I’m not proud of it, but I have to let people know. I had no idea and then when I did, I am an educated woman and I couldn’t make things work for him.?
Trisha turned to Bryan’s HOPE when she found pills and Googled the code on them, discovering that it was OxyContin Aaron was using. At that point, he had not yet begun to use heroin. The family contacted PACE at the Oakland County Health Division, a resource for individuals without insurance needing drug and alcohol treatment services. He was placed in an outpatient program and prescribed methadone, but soon he was abusing that, too. Seven months later, in early 2014, he was on to heroin.
‘He’d sneak out in the morning and we didn’t know,? said Trisha. ‘They lay in bed all day and night thinking of how they will get their next high. All they do is chase their next high.?
After finding needles and other drug paraphernalia, Trisha began seeking drug dealers herself, so she could buy Suboxone for her child. The pill is used to counteract opiate effects by blocking cravings and she hoped to keep him from shooting up heroin, but nothing worked. Not even becoming a parent himself had changed the destructive course he was on.
‘You are trying to keep them from going down an even worse road, but they don’t want saving,? said Trisha. ‘The drugs have such a hold, they don’t want the help. It consumes your whole life as a parent, it’s all I can think of. You have an addiction to your addict, because you are totally consumed by it. There is help out there for the parents and for everybody, it’s just facing it.?
Aaron didn’t face his problem until he was arrested. His parents did not post bail and he spent several months in jail, where he went through withdrawal. After leaving jail, he again started a rehabilitation program, but this time stuck with the treatment, completion of which is necessary to stay out of jail. He also began receiving a monthly injection of Vivitrol, used to prevent relapses into narcotics addiction. The drug works by blocking all opiates from receptors of the brain, said Trisha, who calls Vivitrol a miracle drug.
Six months into being clean, reality began to set in for Aaron at last.
‘He met people in rehab who’d had a terrible life, but here he was with the most normal, loving, caring life you could have,? she said. ‘He realized the revolving door of addicts and was like, ‘Mom, I’m not like these people.? He met a whole different class of people. He had to make a decision to change, he didn’t ever want to go back to jail.?
Aaron has been clean for nearly a year now, is working, and continues to get the monthly shot of Vivitrol. The last few years have been a haze for him in which he doesn’t remember much, but they’ve been too real for his parents.
‘I worry all the time,? said Trisha. ‘The trust is not there. Social life is very hard on addicts. All their old friends are gone because of what they were doing and they can’t have their drug friends. They have to make new friends and that’s not easy… They don’t look ahead, they go day by day. It’s a constant worry as a parent, it eats away at you because you really don’t know what life is going to bring.?
Trisha now keeps Narcan on hand in her house and expects she always will in the event her child returns to heroin and suffers an overdose. Last month, Brandon emergency responders used Narcan on the same patient twice in one day after two separate heroin overdoses.
Richards has offered two Narcan classes through Bryan’s HOPE. It is just one of many services the group offers. Bryan’s HOPE meets from 7-8:30 p.m. the fourth Tuesday of every month at the Waterford Christian Association, 1585 Crescent Lake Road, Waterford.
‘Heroin is everywhere in every town,? said Richards. ‘No community is immune. If it’s not in your house it is in one of your neighbors? house. It is wreaking havoc on a co-worker’s life. It is in our schools. It is coming after our youth and showing no signs of slowing.?
‘The way most people view addiction/addicts is not good. There is a black, dark secretiveness every family feels they must keep because of what people will think… We must change society’s perception of the addict or addiction. Teach the real facts. Addiction is a disease and should be treated as such. No one deserves to feel the pain of non-acceptance when you are in life’s deepest, darkest place.?
For more information, visit www.bryanshope.org.