A pain in the back side.

By Jim Sherman, Sr.
By Jim Sherman, Sr.

I suppose I should start calling my column “Old Jim’s” Nah! I’ll wait until later this year when I’ll be 90.
“Life is short, live it.
Love is rare, grab it.
Anger is bad, dump it.
Fear is awful, face it.
Memories are sweet, cherish them.”
* * *
I’ve been egotistical and self centered all my adult life. Thank goodness enough people have over looked my egotism and let me be friends with them
* * *
I think that forever I have loved eating fish, especially when I caught them.
But I can’t even imagine putting them in a sandwich. Fish don’t belong lining two slips of bread or in a bun.
Let me catch ‘em, scale them, cook them in a greased frying pan, turn ‘em over when they are cooked, debone ‘em and… look out tummy, here they come.
* * *
I told my youngest daughter I’d like to have YouTube. Susan told me, “Dad, you’re too old to understand how to use it!”
Considering how many times I ask where my clicker is, guess she’s right.
I asked her to get me a DVD player. Out came the same answer, “Dad, you’ll never learn how to use it.”
Susan said the same thing when I asked her a few weeks ago where she stored my toilet paper.
* * *
Shouldn’t Florine Marks be getting Social Security? Weight Watchers must not have a good retirement plan!
* * *
Advertising: You have just one day to take advantage of this car, mattress, furniture, sofa, springs, pillow, television deal!
Lawyers must have the best payment plan ever. No one, quits; their family plans seem like a lifetime of prosperity and they apparently have the right to call their agency “Number One” in any category.

I asked a lawyer one day; “If you’re so darn smart, why ain’t you rich?
She said, “If I can’t convince ‘em I confuse ‘em.”
* * *
I’m a bit of a bull thrower myself; but go on with your story . . . Recently, I asked one of my doctor’s friendly nurses what her name was. She wrote it out. “Pain in the Ass Ann.”
Actually, the pains she gave me were quite a way from my backside.

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