Gas is giving me intestinal pain

National disasters, technology, the ‘war on terror? and expanding markets in China aside, I got me a bad case of stomachaches. Gas — it’s a problem for me these days.
And, I don’t care what my old hillbilly granny, Nanny McDonald, used to say. I could walk around the block until I am blue in the face and the pain in my gut would not go away. Actually, the gas problem hits closer to the buttocks region of my anatomy because that’s where I keep my wallet — which houses my ever-dwindling supply of greenbacks, which are used to purchase gas for my little GMC pickup truck.
As you have probably guessed my gas problems are not of the methane persuasion. Petroleum generated gasoline has got most folks a little frustrated lately. Last Thursday, after pumping ten dollars worth into the gas tank (or just over smackin? frackin three blizin rizin gallons), I overheard another victim of big-fat-oil-baron greed. He jokingly said to the attendant, ‘Hey, do I get the loyal customer discount??
The friendly attendant said, ‘Fill up now, ‘cuz as soon as the boss gets here in about ten minutes, the price is going up 25 cents.?
The friendly attendant was not joking (I think he has taken the brunt of the locals? ire). About 15 minutes later, I passed the gas station and those pumping gas where I had minutes earlier, were paying $3.39 a gallon. I didn’t notice too many happy-happy faces by the gas pumps. Gas must be giving them intestinal pains, too.
A lot of folks are getting edgy and cranky these days — even the even tempered and always cheery ‘divine Miss Middleton,? Lynn is a little miffed.
Writes our girl Lynn, ‘I am so angry at our situation with the disproportionate gas prices. Don’t get me wrong, I am upset that gas is $3.39 at the time of this e-mail, but I am also angry at everyone who is COMPLAINING and then driving like maniacs!
‘Since the gas panic, I have been very conscious about my driving habits, paying extra attention to my speedometer and driving the speed limits.
‘It’s driving the speed limit which has pushed me (and them) over the edge. I have been cursed at, flipped off, tailgated and honked at — FOR DRIVING THE SPEED LIMIT.
‘We are a bunch of spoiled rotten Americans who have a false sense of entitlement. I am trying to do my very best to stretch my gas dollar while a majority of the area drivers continue awful and unlawful driving habits. I am reminded, with every flip of the bird, that they think I am the problem. My children have to witness this!
‘I live on a dirt road with a speed limit of 25. If a driver should do 25 it’s a miracle. Maybe these drivers will now slow down for the almighty buck, since their safety and the safety of others doesn’t come into play.?
So Lynn, baby, honey — what do you really think?
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One reader, a super secret, double-duty type agent whose only known identify is code-name GRODGKY, sent in this observation.
‘As was reported on August 25, 2005 at 08 hours and 11 minutes (secret military time) . . .
‘On Wednesday, the average retail price of regular unleaded in Honolulu was at a record $2.761, some 15 cents above the nationwide average. Prices on Maui have already topped $3 a gallon this week. Statewide, prices average $2.84, the highest in the nation, according to AAA’s Web site. This was the TOP news on AOL on August 25.
‘What are these people b(lanking) about? They could live in Ortonville and still pay that much!
‘And did you notice, soccer moms still shuttle their kids back and forth to school even though there are perfectly adequate school buses available.
‘Stop whining!?
Whomever you really are, GRODGKY, that was some very astute thinking.
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Okay, okay, let’s all be calm and think this through.
We don’t have enough gas, say big-fat-oil-barons, because we don’t have enough oil refineries, and the ones we do have are old and outdated. Sounds logical.
Here’s some more logic (if only skewed logic from your hero — me). We also hear big-fat-oil-barons are making record profits. So, logically thinking, record profits means extra do-re-mi. Extra jingle in the pockets means there’s money to invest in new oil refineries!
I think it’s high time we let our elected puppets know we’re mad as hell and we ain’t gonna? take it much longer. It’s time for them to investigate and smack down some of those big-fat-oil-baron types for PRICE GOUGING.
E-mail the cranky, gassy Rush at: