So, there I was on the couch — actually kinda excited – because this would be my first time. My first time voting via Absentee Ballot. I have spent the last, what 18 months, reading and listening to and about those who would be president of these here United States.
I have spent a fair amount of time talking about the entire process with both my sons — Shamus, almost 19 and Sean, a solid 16. I like to hear their thoughts, based on what they read and hear in their perspective circles. There are no right or wrong reasons for liking or disliking any candidate, I let them know, “I just want to know your thinking.” And, sometimes because I am the meanest dad in town, I challenge them or their thinking.
So what are they thinking?
Shamus, well, I don’t know if he will even vote this year. I believe he is put off by what he sees. Sean, I know will not vote this year because of his age, but the other week, out of the blue he announced, “I have spent some time looking into Zoltan Istvan.”
“What?” said I, tilting my head to the side, because I am old and maybe I didn’t hear my son’s words correctly.
“Zoltan Istvan,” he repeated, louder, because I am old. I had heard correctly.
“What is a ‘Zoltanistvan?’” I said, not having any context or knowledge of this zoltanistvan thingy.
Said my son, “He’s a Transhumanist.”
Sean must of have noticed my blank, non-comprehending stare.
“I have been reading up on Zoltan Istvan who is running for President as a member of the Transhumanist Party.”
Obviously, still sensing I was not with the program he continued to clue me in. “He’s talking about the future, what we need to do with artificial intelligence, transferring human intelligence, robots, prolonged life for people – as in hundreds or thousands of years. Science and the human experience in a future that may not be too far away.”
“Oh,” I think I said. “Interesting. So, how about those Detroit Lions?”
* * *
Not knowing much about this guy with the Russian sounding name, I looked him up on the internet. What do you know! He looked like a regular, all-American honkey/cracker. Just another almost middle-aged white dude. Like me (a few years ago), except he’s a successful journalist, author and “founder and US Presidential candidate of the Transhumanist Party.” A safe bet to vote for in my book.
* * *
So, I ripped open the big brownish envelope with my very first Absentee Ballot and much to my chagrin nowhere could I find, meaning I could not fill in the little blank dot with either black or blue ink (only), thereby casting my vote for Zoltan Istvan.
What a let down! I mean with a name like Zoltan Istvan, he’s gotta be good, right? I wanted to vote for an Artificial Intelligent Cyborg because AI is a better choice for president than either the Republicans or Democrats have produced this year.
Socialist Emidio Mimi Soltysik and Darrell Castle of the Constitution Party.
Sadly, I filled in my circle with my black ink pen for a candidate that wasn’t Trump or Clinton, but really wanting to vote for the REAL forward and future thinking candidate, Mr. Zoltan Istvan.
I filled in a ton of those little circles, front page and back and got it all ready to take to the township clerk’s office. My first time had come and gone. Ah.
Fate, however, had other plans for my voting experience. The next day in my mailbox was another big brown envelope with another Absentee Ballot. Seems the first batch of ballots had an issue with running through the counting machine, so we all got new ballots. As of today, Monday, October 24, I have yet to fill in that ballot – so I reckon there is still time for me to change my mind on everything and every one I voted for last week.
I wonder if I can write-in Zoltan Istvan? Oh, hell. As Don Cornelius used to say, it’s time to get on the “Zo-o-o-o-o-o-ol-train!”