On the west coast of Michigan, the name ‘Batdorff? has long been a prominent name in the newspaper business.
Austen Batdorff owned the Traverse City Record Eagle until selling it to Dow Jones, probably in the 1960s. The Big Rapids Pioneer Press and Manistee News Advocate were also part of the family chain.
They still are, along with several weekly publications, in Lake County and Reed City — all are now run by Jack Batdorff.
One of Jack’s personal columns was sent to me recently by one of our former Clarkston News employees, Maralee Cook. Jack got this article from Bob Levey, a former Washington Post columnist.
Levey’s Neologism Contest, a challenge for his readers, was picked up by Jack, and is also on the Internet, I’m told.
So, here are some of the better new word usages:
1. Coffee (n): the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj): appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v): to attempt an explanation when drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj): impotent
6. Negligent (adj): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v): to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n): olive flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you’ve been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n): a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n): a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n): a formal dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n): a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n): the belief, that when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Jack closed his column with . . .
. . . A husband was in big trouble when he forgot a VERY important wedding anniversary.
His wife told him, ‘Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat.?
The next day the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements are pending.
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Our son-in-law Bob sent me paragraphs defining the origination of various sayings. Sayings like, ‘Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old,? which I didn’t find interesting at all.
The listings start with a disclaimer: Can’t vouch for the validity, but find them interesting.
I’m going to ask Bob to put a disclaimer ahead of just about everything he tells me, which I always do.
Anyway, there’s one with the word bacon in it which I’m passing along (being the bacon-man-about-town that I am.)
Sometimes people could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could ‘Bring home the bacon.? They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and ‘chew the fat.?
Now you realize why anyone coming up with such trivial nonsense would want to put a disclaimer up front.