This is the first year I’ve realized, or been told, there are so many perfect gifts. Like: The Arctic Twister. Users can put ice cream or sherbert into this thing, add M&Ms, etc. and out comes a gooey mess in a dish or cone. All grandparents would be thrilled to receive this “perfect” gift. Another […]
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because: 1. I know I won’t remember them; and 2) Even if I did remember them, I know I wouldn’t keep them. But if I did make a New Year’s resolution it would be: I resolve to procrastinate more, starting tomorrow. “The 2003 Old Farmer’s Almanac” lists 64 holidays […]
At Christmas (I hope the ACLU doesn’t come after me for using that word in my column) gift-giving time I learned which daughters loved me and which daughter doesn’t. Daughter-in-law Linda gave me a fine robe. Daughter Luan gave me a fine DVD player. Daughter Susan (I call her Suz-z-z cause she slept her way […]
When the work-a-day people find they have overspent their income, they look for ways to cut back their spending. Michigan should do the same. Lobbyists and other politically active people look for ways to increase state income, rather than reduce spending. Reports out of Lansing say our state budget has a shortfall of $2 billion. […]
Sometime in the 1980s stand-up comic Jeff Foxworthy, a ‘Southerner,’ came up with a skit he called, “You might be a Redneck if.” One of them was, “You might be a Redneck if your mother kept a spit cup on her ironing board.” With apologies to Mr. Foxworthy, we’ve accumulated some “You might have suffered […]
A couple weeks before Christmas, 2002, I went to Meijer in Oxford to buy a scooter for granddaughter Savannah. At age 7 it’s time for her to experience more severe scraped knees, elbows, etc. I found a $39.90 boxed scooter on a high shelf, added it to my shopping cart collection of goodies and went […]
A wife sought advice from a fortune-teller, who said, “Prepare yourself for widowhood. Your husband is about to die a violent death.” The wife signed deeply and asked, “Will I be acquitted?” * * * Your know you’re going to have a bad day when you bite into a doughnut hole and find a hole […]
Remember the crying, venom spewing and insults hurled at Governor Engler when he proposed a cut in grants to the Detroit Symphony Orchestra, museums and other so-called cultural organizations? Engler was depicted as the lowest form of life, a man crueler than cruel, wicked, unmoral, without feeling and hater of the arts. Now comes Governor […]
Daughter Luan planned last Christmas’ dinner at our house. Among the too-much food, she bought a box of ice cream cakes, shaped and colored like Santa Clauses. “The three-year-old twins will love them,” she said. She put the box in our freezer and promptly forgot it. I spotted the box in late February and called […]
When I drove up to our garage at 4:30 on a recent Friday afternoon and the automatic opener didn’t work, I assumed the batteries were dead. When I came inside and flipped an electrical switch I quit blaming the batteries. When I saw that all the fuses in the electrical box were still in place […]