Got another unwelcome call from a man with a foreign, to me, tongue wanting to talk to me about the expired warranty on my 10-year old Ford. At first I thought it good he found a calling job in America, but he might have been living off shore.
Then my mind wandered: Did Ford give him my number? Had he crept into my electronics? Should I reload one of my guns, call Sam, or just wonder if I was being hornswaggled?
So, I started writing this column not knowing where it would take me. This question came to me recently: Do women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mentioned it?
? I’ve made just one really good investment in my life. It was for a marriage license, and it’s been paying dividends since day one.

Headlines gleaned by Mrs CGS.
? Statistics show teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
? Federal agents raid gun shop; find weapons.
? Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800 pound ball on his head.
? Man accused of killing lawyer receives new attorney.
* * *
Laugh! Damn it!
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, ‘I did schoolwork.? The robot slaps the son. The son says, ‘OK, OK. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.?
Dad asks, ‘What movie did you watch?? The son says, ‘Toy Story.? The robot slaps the son. The son said, ‘Ok, Ok. We were watching porn.?
Dad says, ‘What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.?
The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, ‘Well, he certainly is your son.? The robot slaps the mother.
* * *
Sign in NFL locker rooms: ‘Defeat, but don’t kill!
Nike sign in PGA locker room, ‘Tiger Woods plays with own balls.?
Sign in a congressional office: ‘Marijuana issue sent to joint committee.?

A couple quickies:
1. Medical researchers can’t realistically expect to find a cure quicker than Mom kissing the place that hurts.
2. Maybe a man does love his wife as much as his dog, but have you ever heard a man whistling around his neighborhood at night trying to get her to come home?