It’s been 20 years since Merolynn (Bernum) Hathaway has seen the young man from Germany who came to live with her family in the early 1980s, but as soon as she laid eyes on him, she knew nothing had changed.
“He hasn’t changed a bit,” said the 50-year Oxford village resident, “he’s just grown up a lot.”
Gerd Kostrzewa visited the United States during the 1982-83 school year as a part of the Youth for Understanding Exchange Program, a non-profit organization founded in Michigan shortly after World War II to help foster peace and cooperation between the countries. He lived with Hathaway and her husband Gordon Bernum, who passed away a few years ago, and attended Oxford High School.
“I remember that all of a sudden all of our children were all grown up and gone,” said Hathaway, who has four children. “I saw somewhere that they were still short on host families, so I said to Gordy, ‘Hey, we can do that.’”
Kostrzewa says he remembers wanting to come to the U.S. because of his fascination with Western culture.
“The thrill of adventure was of course one of the greatest driving forces,” he explained, “but I wanted to broaden my boundaries and learn English.”
Mrs. Hathaway remembers Kostrzewa as very intelligent and already knowing a fair amount of English. She laughed when she thought how he was once confused by her use of the word “cute.”
“I told a friend how cute he was,” she said with a smile, “and I remember him looking at me and saying, ‘Mom, what do you mean by that.’ Turns out ‘cute’ can be insulting in Germany.”
During his time at Oxford High School, Kostrzewa enjoyed participating in school events and running with the track team. He remembers doing “mile repeats” with coach Ray Sutherland, and even had a page all to himself in the yearbook.
“Everybody was so welcoming,” said Kostrzewa. “I want to thank them for having given me this opportunity.”
“I think it was the most crucial, most important year of my life.”
Today, Kostrzewa lives in Duesseldorf, Germany, with his wife Tamsin, from London, England, and their four-year-old son Ed. He works as a lawyer for an international firm.
“He always was very intelligent, and you could just see that in his eyes,” said Hathaway.
Kostrzewa said he was influenced deeply by the differences in schooling between the two countries, the differences in communication and the differences between the overall philosophies of life. He was amazed by the amount of democracy and public involvement in the lower levels of government. He was also impressed with the American idea that anything is possible.
“In the U.S., you take such an open approach to things,” he explained. “In Germany, we start at the top and reason through something, and if it is not right, then it is not possible.”
“Like in government, we have put this trust in our officials and we are separated from the decision making process. You are not like the here.”
Mrs. Hathaway said she has kept in touch with her “long-distance” son over the years, but added that neither is very good at letter writing. “He sent me some pictures and everything of his son,” she said.
“We didn’t keep at it always, but we didn’t lose it,” joked Kostrzewa.
Twenty years after his exchange, Kostrzewa is still involved as a volunteer with the Youth for Understanding Exchange Program. He enjoys talking to perspective host families and youths interested in going abroad about his experience. He has looked forward to visiting his Western family for many years, and enjoyed being able to see his Mom again.
On the other side of the coin, Hathaway’s family has not been involved with an exchange program since hosting their German son.
“For us, with all the children gone, we wouldn’t have hosted any more because we became too busy with grandchildren and my husband’s illness,” explained Hathaway. “It was a nice transition though after our own children had grown.”
What is one piece of experience Mrs. Hathaway can pass along to any families interested in participating with an exchange program: “Be patient.”
“We valued the experience and I’m glad we did it,” she said. “I think the exchange program is very worth while. When I look back, I was always glad we did it.”