I wear long, black socks most of the time, but especially in winter. They should be easy to keep track of, but from time to time I lose one in the wash, much like every other person who does laundry.
As I searched for a lost one recently, I remembered hearing Ray Stevens? singing, ‘Where do my socks go when I put them in the dryer??
Ray Stevens? recordings should be in everyone’s collection. ‘His recordings ‘Misty? and ‘Everything is Beautiful? topped the charts a couple decades ago. However, most of his songs involve screaming monkeys, a streaker, ‘Shriners Convention,? used cars and other off-beat stuff . . . that I like.
He says they’ve invented the laser beam and the high tech drill, ‘But where do my socks go when I put them in the dryer? Do they escape down some black hole or get trapped and cause me fire?
‘Do they penetrate, or turn to lint I just want to know where they went.
‘I don’t know about you, but I’ve observed that it’s gone on for years. Every time I wash my clothes half my socks just disappears.
‘I prepared about 12 pairs of socks, you just count ’em, there’s 24. I just put ’em in the dryer one at a time and I purposely closed the door. Just like that the cycle ended and when I opened up the hatch, alI I could find was 13 and not a one of them darn things matched.
‘There’s a perfect mystery about this problem that we should cogitate — the dryer should be an impartial machine — it should not discriminate. It should take your socks, long or short, wool or nylon, new or old, but there’s one kind of sock it will never take, it’s one with a great big hole.
‘I had just one sock left so I went to the store and asked the saleman if he could match this.
‘He said, ‘Buddy I couldn’t sell you one sock if you were Peg Leg Bates.? I said, ‘Listen, pal, if I were Peg Leg Bates I wouldn’t need one.?
The song ends with, ‘I guess I’ll have to start spray painting my ankles. If you find a sock in your leg, it’s mine.?
Another good thing about Ray Stevens? songs is that you can understand the lyrics.
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I like to write letters, partly because I think people like to receive them. Some letters I write are even complimentary, and some questioning.
Like the one I wrote recently to the Gillette Company, owners of the Oral-B rotating toothbrush. At my dentist’s suggestion I’ve been using an Oral-B about three years.
Maybe six months ago I noticed there was a grimy build-up at the base of the brush where it sits on the recharger. Finally, I’d had it. Gillette must have a public relations person who wants to keep me pleased, so I wrote them.
In their response, they thanked me, saying they ‘are anxious to see that our products meet your needs and expections.?
They said it appeared to be toothpaste residue, and that ‘some brands of whitening toothpaste such as Ultra-brite contain abrasives that are not water soluble. These abrasives build-up inside the gears and result in this residue.?
They also suggest I remove the brush after each cleaning and rinse it inside and out to prevent residue build-up.
That’s the answer I had anticipated. WASH THE DARN THING MORE OFTEN, YOU STUPID JERK!
Since I had expected that answer, I had begun a more thorough washing and the residue had not reappeared.
But, it gave me and them something to write about.