Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer wiener…

By Don Rush

I really haven’t listened to music on the radio since about 1982. Music started to change back then (or maybe it was me), so I started listening to talk radio versus music stations. I tuned my car’s radio to WWJ, WJR and I think there was a sports talk radio on 1270 AM, too. Yup, I am pretty sure science will back me up when I say MTV killed music and that was in 1981. And, while that point is not really germane to this addition into the hallowed halls of Don’tRushMedom it does give me a platform to dive off into the wild, wide, deep blue waters of . . .

. . . hot dogs!

See, last week on the FM station 97.1 (the Ticket) whilst I was tooling from Oxford to Clarkston (or was it Clarkston to Oxford?), radio personalities Doug Karsch and Scott “the Gator” Anderson did a bit called, “Would You Eat It?” During this segment, Karsch gives a description of food then asks his partner, Gator, if he’d eat it. In this episode, it was about the “Best hot dog toppings you haven’t tried yet.” It got me thinking, “I love hot dogs.”

Yeah, the Oscar Mayer Wiener kid could been me back in the day.

I love hot dogs right out of the package . . . and into my mouth. No heating up, no bun, no nothing except for the oily stuff the dogs are sealed with in their package. I like boiled hot dogs. I like grilled and charred hot dogs. When I’ve run out of meat in the fridge and I’m making stir fry, along with the egg, onion, garlic, peppers, ginger, noodles and spices I have been known to throw in diced hot dogs. (Don’t knock if you haven’t tried it.)

I like steamed ball park franks like you get at a Tigers game.

I like Detroit style coneys, with the thick sauce, onions and mustard. I like the Flint style coneys with the crumbled hamburger. I like Chicago style coneys with tomatoes and pickles on ‘em.

I love hot dogs even after the dreaded son Shamus Hot Dog Incident of 1999. What’s that, you say? Back in the day, Shamus was about 2, he was in his car seat in the back seat and sometime during the car ride had eaten a hot dog. By the time we got home, he regurgitated some of the hot dog onto the side of his car seat. He looked down, saw it, looked up at his parents and said, “Hot gog.” Then deftly picked up the already chewed and partially digested hot dog and put it back in his mouth and ate it. Even that didn’t stop me from loving hot dogs.

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I think if I were to operate a food truck, it would be a hot dog food truck, with all sorts of hot dog styles and toppings available. I could come rolling into a town near you with “Take me out to the ball game . . .” blaring from a rotating speaker on the roof, screech into my parking space with dust wafting out from under my food truck’s tires. I could have a picture of a smiling, dancing hot dog tastefully painted on the van. Maybe I could call my business, “Don’s Dogs.” How about “Rush’s Weenies?”

Wait a minute!

I could use my initials and simply call my businesses, “dr dog’s hot dogs” – all lower case and maybe in a script font. I think that last idea is the winner. I could wear one of those white, puffy hair things nurses and doctors wear during operations, scrubs under my apron and have a stethoscope draped around my neck.

My entrepreneurial spirit animal (a dachshund) is kinda’ digging that idea. He gives it two paws up.

This is me at a family canoe trip, oh about 1988. Thank Aunt Janice for sharing this shot!

I love potluck family reunions and parties where hot dogs are served, too. Early on in their young lives I taught my sons the best way to eat your dogs at a reunion or party where there are lots of people is to put your condiments on the bun first, and then your wiener. This is important because it helps keep mustard from squirting out and staining your shirt and your mom from looking askew at you for said stain.

What? You don’t do that?

How about this: At a potluck party where hot dogs are served, have you ever taken pork and beans, coleslaw and macaroni salad and put that stuff on your dog? Talk about some good, old-fashioned, tasty bites a hot dog consumed this way is dee-lightful! (Truth be told, if there are no hot dogs left, pork and beans, coleslaw and macaroni salad is also pretty darned good on burgers, too – but this is a column on hot dogs, so we won’t go down the burger hole, today.)

Oh, yeah, I also commit this hot dog sin: I also like hot dogs with just ketchup.

* * *

So, what were some of the toppings Karsch and Anderson discussed? Here are a few I would eat.

Seattle Hot Dogs with caramelized onions, cream cheese and roasted jalapenos.

Frito Pie Hot Dogs with Fritos topped, chili and finished and shredded cheese.

Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dogs with gooey Cheese Sauce.

Hawaiian Hot Dogs with grilled pineapple and sweet Teriyaki mayo.

Nacho Hot Dog nacho cheese, crunchy tortilla chips, spicy salsa and creamy guacamole.

Bacon-Wrapped Sonoran Hot Dogs with pinto beans, salsa, Mexican cream and avocado pico de gallo.

* * *

Okay, by a show of hands out there, how many of you are now going to have hot dogs this weekend? Send me your favorite hot dog toppings or your favorite hot dog story to DontRushDon@gmail.com

Bonus online material. In case you wonder what happened to music, they stopped writing songs/jingles like this! Enjoy. Click here: I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener