For many couples in the United States, starting a family can be the happiest time of their lives.
But for those who cannot have children, adoption can be seen as a Godsend that helps their families become whole.
Just ask Oxford residents Curt and Claire Grenda.
The couple struggled with fertility issues for years before deciding to adopt their son, Nathan, now three-years-old.
‘We also wanted to do something good for society,? Curt said.
Just two years later, they adopted their daughter, Isabel, who is now one.
Claire, who has sisters who were adopted domestically and internationally, remembers the adoption process being hard, but not overwhelming. She and her husband did a lot of the legwork in trying to find the right agency to work with outside of Michigan.
Due to the state’s adoption laws, the Grendas chose to adopt from a different state so they could have what is called a ‘semi-open? adoption, where the birth parents have selected the adoptive family from non-identifying profile information presented to them by an agency or attorney. The birth parents then have the opportunity to meet the adoptive family face to face and have some choice to have continued (non-identifying) contact throughout the pregnancy.
The agencies the couple decided to adopt Nathan and Isabel through conducted home studies, monitored their living situation, medical backgrounds and financial situations to make sure it was a right fit for the child.
But both birth mothers were inevitably the ones to decide whether or not the Grendas would become their child’s parents.
Within 24 hours of both children being born, Curt and Claire were able to be with them.
Claire asked both mothers to write letters to the children about her decision to put them up for adoption.
‘It’s important for them to know where they came from,? she said.
That mindset is something Oxford residents Ben and Joanna McKinney firmly followed when they chose the international adoption route to start their family.
Just this past June, the couple brought home their son, Mikias Henock, now 10-months-old, from Ethiopia, Africa.
Like movie stars, they were greeted by family and friends at the airport with posters and cameras galore.
‘We reached the point where we wanted to either have a kid biologically or adopt kids,? Joanna said.
‘We started both at the same time and wanted to see what came first.?
Like the Grendas, the McKinney’s have adopted relatives on either side of the family and saw the pros of going that route.
The couple said they knew they wanted to adopt from Africa because that’s where they said ‘the greatest need was? in their eyes.
Like the Grendas, the McKinney’s went through a home study and ‘a lot of paperwork? for the U.S. Immigration Dept. Their adoption was final before they even met Mikias.
In June, the couple traveled to an orphanage in Ethiopia where their son was living. They said they were kind of ‘in shock and really excited? the moment they met him.
‘It was the weirdest thing, them walking in with this kid that was going to live with you,? Joanna remembers.
‘It’s a pretty surreal feeling,? Ben recalled.
They got to meet Mikias? birth mother for half an hour and, through a translator, learned a little about the boy’s family. Unlike the domestic adoptions where the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents, international recipients are always needed because there are plenty of children who desperately need a loving home.
To keep their son in contact with his birth mother, the McKinney’s will send yearly reports to Africa so she can see his progress, should she choose to.
‘We hope we’ll always have her as a contact, especially when he gets older,? Joanna said.
One way they plan to keep Mikias connected to his heritage was buying 18 small items for him while they were in Africa to give as birthday gifts each year.
With all of the recent hoopla surrounding celebrities, like Madonna and Angelina Jolie, adopting children from foreign countries, the McKinney’s don’t feel it’s commercializing adoption at all. ‘If anything, I think it’s brought back awareness of international adoption,? Ben said. ‘And that’s a good thing.?
The greatest thing Joanna learned from their adoption experience is that adopted children, depending on their age, don’t come with a blank slate. ‘They have a history of some sort,? she said.
With November delegated as National Adoption Awareness Month, both the Grendas and the McKinney’s want to urge those interested in adopting to do their homework and to not compromise when it comes to the child you want. ‘It is a stressful and a fairly long process, but you know what, from my experience, it’s really rewarding,? Claire said. ‘You don’t take your kids for granted.?