And another thing . . .

Don’t know about you, but I got my forehead burned working out in the yard this past weekend — too much sun. (Before I get too far ahead of myself, I’m not complaining. You Go Mother Nature!)
* * *
Don’t know if this next quote is attributed to the correct individual. It was e-mailed to me by my uncle, Jim McDonald.
“Going to war without France is like going hunting without an accordion…..”
— Norman Schwartzkoff (retired US general.)
Even if Stormin’ Norman didn’t say it, he’s got a point.
* * *
Speaking of the French . . . what is up with those in Congress pressing for the name change of French Fries to “Liberty” Fries in the House cafeteria? Aren’t there more pressing issues facing Congressfolk? Why all the meaningless retribution to the French government for not supporting the United States?
What’s next, Liberty Toast? And, this from dear wife Jen: “Liberty Kissing just doesn’t sound fun.”
* * *
This tidbit of information I gleaned from eavesdropping on my boys, Shamus 5 and Sean 3. They were playing in a room by themselves the other night; I was in the adjoining room.
Sean to Shamus: John Wayne’s not a girl. John Wayne is a boy. John Wayne has a penis.
Just thought you all should know that.
* * *
This is an e-mail received last week. It’s addressed to all the folks who visit the midwest.
Midwest Tourism Advisory
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Michigan, Ohio, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North and South Dakota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, and Kentucky; those states’ Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That farm boy snext to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It’s called a ‘gravel road.’ No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you whipped … by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for . . . bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You can bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends. We’re real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too — and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstate 70, 80 & 90 go two ways. Interstate 29, 35, & 75 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit the ball into the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot … his name is, “Sir”… no matter how old he is. Now, enjoy your visit and go home.
Comments for Don can be e-mailed to:

The filling deadline for township offices passed on Tuesday (look for coverage in this web edition).
There are plenty of names on the ballot, many of whom have already announced their intentions in this newspaper.
Now it’s time for these individuals, if they aren’t already, to show up to township meetings.
Many will campaign for ‘change? or ‘fiscal responsibility? or other similar messages, but if we don’t see their faces at meetings, how are we supposed to believe them?
Few will argue that politics is a pretty silly game, but at its most basic level, the local level, it’s time to stop the silliness and start taking a genuine interest.

Just nine of Oakland County’s 28 school districts went to the polls yesterday. The other 19 decided to combine their school board elections with other upcoming elections in their communities.
Orion and Clarkston, unlike neighboring districts in Oxford and Rochester, decided to hold stand-alone May elections. Some local and county government officials are still wondering why.
County Clerk Ruth Johnson said Michigan could save up to $150 million over the next 10 years, just by giving up stand-alone school board elections.
‘Several districts remain adamant about having May elections, despite the fact that no other elected body in the state has annual, stand-alone elections and despite the fact that voter turnout clearly suffers,? Johnson said.
While districts tend to have a better shot to get things passed when turnout is lower (and we’re certainly pro-education), it might be time to take a closer look at spending — especially given the state’s current economy.

Two weeks ago, The Review profiled a piece of land on Baldwin Road, near Brown Road, as one that could have big election implications in the township.
Two other ongoing stories that are certain to have such an impact are the proposed public safety complex and a potential water storage facility.
The latter got the ‘go ahead? from the board last week for a feasibility and financial analysis and will be the subject of a public hearing on May 19.
The two projects have price tags well into the millions of dollars; money some officials say is just waiting to be spent.
The potential savings in these projects, particularly the water facility, could outweigh the expenditures, they say.
Now it’s time for you to have a say.
The board is elected by the residents of Orion Township and it’s the residents? job, as a result, to make sure these representatives are working in their best interests.
A public safety complex and a water storage facility could fit right in with these interests. It’s your job to let the board know that, one way or the other.
Remember, before you vote in August and November, you have a chance to learn about an issue and speak up in May. Why waste it?

How about a helpful tip from the e-mail inbox?
‘You should be alert during the next few days.’Do not open any message with an attachment entitled ‘POSTCARD,? regardless of who sent it to you. ?
‘It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which ‘burns? the whole hard disc of your computer. This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list.
‘It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. There is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.
‘This is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts ‘It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.?
It figures, just as flu season ends.

There was a tornado watch across Oakland County for a good part of last Friday.
Thankfully, it never turned into a warning. But if it had, it’s hard to say who would have known about it.
There are select areas in Orion Township (including a stretch along a popular trail) missing out on tornado warning siren coverage. As such, the board approved, in concept, the addition of two more sirens.
It’s probably a good way to spend up to $35,000 of taxpayer dollars and the board is right to look into partnerships with neighboring communities and other funding options before just throwing taxpayer money at the issue.
A 30-day time frame is more than enough time to get this accomplished. In an era where the current board has, at times, struggled to get an item resolved as swiftly as possibly, how refreshing it would be to see this one finalized on or before May 5.
Unlike ongoing park investigations and internal human resource problems, this is one area where the damage hasn’t already been done.
There was a tornado watch last Friday. That sounds like a warning sign to us to solve this problem now.

Hey letter writers, we’re issuing a challenge.
Our editorial pages are usually filled with great letters from our readers, and typically on a variety of topics.
Sometimes, however, certain subjects (take NOTA, for example) seem to get the bulk of the attention, while others (like a potential $10M public safety complex) get very little.
In the past few months, we’ve received about 20 letters on the NOTA situation and just one on the proposed safety complex.
Could it be that for every one person that cares about this potential $10M township expense, there are 20 that care about the transportation system?
We doubt it, and that’s why we’re issuing this challenge: Write us a letter, on anything. Just make it somewhat original, please.
We’ll do our best to offer a variety of subjects in this newspaper. We just urge you to offer a variety of subjects on these Op-Ed pages.

The big thaw is here (or so we hope).
That means it’s time again for ball games, long walks and other outdoor activities.
It also means it’s time for dodging potholes, our favorite of all the springtime games, particularly on gravel roads ? of which the township has 43 miles.
As such, the Orion Township Board of Trustees discussed allocating money for gravel road improvements this week.
It’s a tricky issue to use taxpayer dollars to improve certain roads that some taxpayers may never drive. But without the help, some drivers don’t know where to turn. Literally.
The board tried to help last year (to the tune of $100,000) and now it’s time for residents whose roads were improved to sound-off. The board needs your help in determining if this was money well-spent. So let us know and let them know.
Otherwise, those long walks you enjoy this time of year might just get longer.
Look for a report in next week’s issue?

He’s back.
A letter from Jim Delavan appears on this page for the first time in months.
As he explains in his letter, Delavan was recovering from a late-December surgery, explaining his absence both in these pages and at recent township board meetings.
Other letter writers have expressed a myriad of opinions on Delavan over the years, but no one could argue this: He cares.
In an election year, in particular, we need to have more Delavan-types out there. So, let us be the first to say it’s good to have the original one back.

Some residents and township officials alike continue to wait on investigation results regarding actions of suspected illegal dumping at Friendship Park (first profiled in this paper in 2005!).
Meanwhile, Parks & Recreation Director Rock Blanchard continues a medical leave of absence.
It’s been said by township officials in the past that Blanchard, while a key figure in the investigation, is not suspected of intentional wrongdoing — meaning he doesn’t appear to be the focal point of the park investigation.
But, the longer the Friendship Park issue lingers on, the less likely that seems.
If the issues are unrelated, shouldn’t a report be completed by now? Why does Blanchard’s absence seem to be keeping the investigation from finishing?
We’ve been told the issues are unrelated, but we haven’t seen it for ourselves.
People tend to believe what they hear, but almost always believe what they see. We haven’t seen anything yet on Friendship Park, and for some, that’s making just about everything more difficult to believe.

Two nights before Thanksgiving this past November, village residents turned out in droves for a special meeting of their council.
The issue of their village manager inspired many to attend a council meeting for the first time. Some continued to attend meetings for the next few weeks as well.
But last week, it appeared we went back to the typical handful of people that are paid to be there, are helping to present an agenda item or work for the local newspaper.
It is the hope here that all of those people who cared deeply enough to attend a few months ago will again turn out this Saturday, when the council begins the interview process for the next manager.
We’ve shown we can care about the process when we have issues with it. Now it’s time to show that we genuinely just care about the process.

The handful of people that have expressed disappointment at board meetings over the past few weeks — on some the township’s ongoing issues — have a real beef.
Township officials are correct to take their time on these matters, particularly their Elkhorn Lake and Friendship Park investigations.
But ears perked up, yet again, among some residents, when it was announced that both of those items were likely to show up on last week’s meeting agenda.
Neither did.
And so, the waiting continues.
With more waiting comes more pressure on the township to get the decision right.
And as recent ‘Letters to the Editor? in this newspaper have shown, the public hasn’t been overly enthused with the settlements resulting from two of their more recent ‘bigger issues? (Jill Verros? lawsuit and the Pine Island Marina).

Kudos to some Michigan courts for blocking, at least temporarily, Comcast’s planned move of public access channels from the basic-cable teens to the 900-level digital range.
(The issue was profiled in The Review this past December and analyzed in last week’s edition of ‘The LO Down.?)
A handful of municipalities, including at least one nearby township, added their name to a suit at the federal level — which saw a similar ruling as the state’s county courts last week, a day before the move was scheduled.
It was disappointing, however, not to see our local township and village officials denounce the move with a resolution of their own. At the very least, some stronger words at recent government meetings from these elected officials would have been nice.
Instead, they all left it as a battle for someone else to fight. And, thankfully for Orion cable viewers, someone else did, giving local officials a second chance to take a stand.

Some members of the Orion Township Board of Trustees said they had questions about the proposed Oakland Heights Landfill expansion on Brown Road (along the township’s border).
The question now is if they’ll be able to ask their questions.
The board petitioned the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality to hold a public hearing on the proposed expansion and got their wish.
The only problem is that the hearing was scheduled for the same night as a previously scheduled township board meeting (Jan. 22 — at 1827 N. Squirrel Road in Auburn Hills, in case you are interested).
While the DEQ shouldn’t necessarily contact each and every community that might be interested in a particular public hearing to make sure the time and date are acceptable, a phone call in this case may have been warranted.
Orion’s governing body, after all, requested the hearing. And now, it appears, no one from their board will be able to attend.
That leads to an interesting question: If a tree falls at a public hearing and no one is there, does it make a sound?

A few items were brought forth by President Rob Reetz for Village Council consideration at the Dec. 10 regular meeting.
One of these items was the desire for a village website (as profiled in the Dec. 19 edition of The Review).
It’s a good idea, but one that most council members wanted more information on before setting a definitive timeline (and as such, a special committee was formed).
‘You’ve got to have information and data present when you make these decisions,? said Councilman Doug Dendel.
Dendel’s thoughts on such added agenda items were spot on, but would seem to be a 180-degree turn from the stance he and three other members took when they ousted Manager JoAnn Van Tassel back in November — neglecting a plea by fellow council members to hold off on the decision, in order to obtain more information.
This seems to be just one occurrence of many lately, where a governing body would be wise to follow their own sound advice.
If they don’t, we’ll continue to reserve space here in ?’And another thing.?

Last week I heard Paul Harvey report this startling fact: Each of our feet can produce a pint of sweat a day.
Between a pair of feet, that’s a quart of liquid a day, nearly two gallons a week — that’s like 91 gallons of foot sweat a year produced by one human.
That my friends is totally gross!
I want to take a moment right now to thank Paul Harvey for his years of broadcast excellence. And, I also want to say, Paul — stop with the yucky body factoid stuff already. I am not a doctor and I don’t need to know all the ins and outs of my body. Now, because of you, I will think about feet sweat for the rest of my life. For the rest of my days, whenever I have nothing else to do and while my mind is blank, I know I will soon ponder about the moisture produced by my own two feet.
Thanks, Paul, you’re swell.
* * *
One pint of foot sweat a day was a fact I didn’t need to know, and since I didn’t need to know it, but now do know it, I must pass it on — I need to get it out of my system. Now that the monkey is off my back and firmly gripping yours, let me tell you another thing (or as Paul would say, ‘And now for the rest of the story . . .?)
From my extensive, three minute on-line research, I was able to ascertain more fascinating foot facts. Do you know why your feet can each sweat a pint of sweat a day? I’m gonna? tell ya — because there are approximately 250,000 sweat glands in each pair of feet.
Get this: Feet smell because 250,000 sweat glands do their magic while the feet are trapped inside shoes. And, if you are to believe the on-line information, it is the interaction of these two factors along with bacteria that cause the smell.
You may not believe this but, feet have more sweat glands than any other part of the body. So the next time you see some big, hairy guy with a sweat-drenched shirt, think about his feet, his poor shoes and his family. Feel sorry for this family. Have pity on this man. Don’t turn your nose in disgust, it is not his fault. It could be you. It could be me.
* * *
Some pointy-headed foot specialist-types also say inside your shoes your feet create a warm, damp place that is just great for growing things like bacteria. The bacteria produce isovaleric acid which is what causes the odor.
And want to know another thing? The medical term for sweaty/smelly feet is plantar hyperhidrosis. That sounds worse than smelly feet and is a heck of a lot harder to pronounce.
* * *
I don’t want to just report the cold, hard facts on smelly feet. As a kind and caring writer-type, I want to help folks. I want to reach out to that big, hairy, sweaty guy and say, ‘Dude, give your family a break . . . take a shower. And when you’re in the tub, clean between your toes. When you dry off, don’t forget to dry between your toes. Do this, Dude, and your family will again sit next to you on the couch.?
The on-line foot poindexters say it is relatively easy to control smelly feet. Besides what I just told the big, hairy, sweaty guy, you can also change your socks at least once a day.
They say to wear thick, soft socks to help absorb moisture. Also, natural fiber socks like wool and cotton are better than nylon socks. You can also use foot powders and try not wearing the same shoes two days in a row. If that don’t work, doctors can hook you up to devices that send electric current through your skin, which shuts down sweating temporarily.
If after all that your feet still stink, surgeons can remove the nerve that controls foot sweating. However, if you don’t want to do any or all of that, you can do like I do, air ’em out throughout the day . . . while sitting in my office, I use the cover of my desk to hide the fact I have kicked off my shoes.
This has two positive effects. One, it keeps my feet dryer. Two, it keeps the riff-raff out of my office.
Comments for Rush can be e-mailed to: