Moles, urine and cemeteries

Moles: In recent weeks, I have whined (rather unmanly like) about their existence on/in the property I pay taxes for . . . if they want to reside on said parcel, they ought to share the tax burden.
Without rehashing by moleophobic tendencies, last week I wrote (in part): Every Oct. 23, from 6:02 a.m. to 6:02 p.m. eggheads celebrate National Mole Day. It was created by pointy-headed poindexters in academia to commemorate Avogadro’s Number (6.02 x 10 23). I think mole is short for molecule?
Let me say, it is bad enough when you make a mistake and your own wife catches it and tells you. It is quite another thing when somebody else’s wife jumps on for the ride. Both my very own wife, Jennie and Nicholas Kraska’s wife Samantha let me know I was wrong.
And, I admit it, I was (how’s that for manly?). Both wives corrected me. Here’s what Sam wrote (I am very familiar with her now, so I can call her Sam instead of the formal Samantha, or Mrs. K.):
‘Don, Thanks for the info about Oct. 23 being National Mole Day, but mole is not short for molecule as you thought it was. In chemistry, a mole is like a measurement. Just like you know a dozen is 12 of something, a mole of any element is 6.02 x 10^23 molecules of the element.?
Thanks, gals.
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Leonard resident Dan Stanko is getting really whizzed off about gas prices and I quote, ‘What the X#0!X!?
He further opines with the same clarity and grandeur, ‘I am also tired of all the excuses given. Please stop. And, to all those who at the on start of the war we are in said, ‘It’s all about oil . . .? Do they still feel this way?
?. . . I could go on but, I am beginning to work myself up. Thank you for letting me vent.
‘PS: Just thinking way outside the box — if we could turn urine into fuel, we could drop those oil producing countries like a bad habit! Sounds crazy, but you must agree, the supply is endless.?
Dan, o? boy, relax. And, before you start giving out samples to more than your urologist, chew on this: Three smackin? frackin? dollars a gallon of blizen rizin gas is just the push we American’s need to get us out of the family Hummer and into the family Hyundai.
We all know Hummers are great, but little foreign cars are great savers of gas. Always remember, government and huge business know what is best for we sheep.
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With Memorial Day fast approaching, I’d like to take a moment to address cemetery etiquette. Among journalists and columnists, I think I am uniquely qualified for this task — I worked my way through college by working at Independence Township’s Lakeview Cemetery. (I dug that job . . . I had a lot of folks underneath me . . . people were dying to get it — I’ve heard them all.)
Remember to help your local sexton. Clean up your lots and show respect to others, unlike what Oxford resident Margaret Stoddard reports:
‘Dear Don, I feel compelled to write . . . It is with sadness that I write concerning happenings in Oxford Cemetery.
‘In 2004, I put red geraniums on all 16 lots in front of the headstones. I did the same in 2005 and in less than two weeks all were stolen.
‘Now, Daniel Hulick’s monument has been shattered. Daniel Hulick was a prominent man and was one of the organizers of the Oxford Savings Bank, as was my grandfather, Alf Hagerman. Dan’s wife was Alf’s sister, Elizabeth, my great aunt.
‘If apprehended, I think the persons responsible should pay for a new monument.?
Dear Margaret, I concur. And, if they don’t catch the scoundrels, maybe Oxford Bank could help the family and pony up for a new stone. I got 10 bucks I can contribute. Just a thought.
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