Notes from the war front. My battle with the Scalopus Aquaticus (the common Eastern Mole) has taken a decidedly dicey turn. I have taken to walking in my yard, near the veggie garden, barefooted. When I feel the hard, clay earth beneath me give, I smash my heel in as far as I can. I follow along the length of the enemy’s underground bunker, smashing and cursing as I go.
Reader Dave Kugler, of Ortonville and president of Critter Catchers, Inc., wrote me this weekend.
Said he, ‘Stomp away! You will feel better, if nothing else. To solve the problem, you have to turn your attention to the mole, not the hole. (Nice, Mr. Kugler, Fran and Ollie — rhyme away at my time of need, thanks buddy.)
‘Moles are accustomed to having their tunnels destroyed, and it does not change their behavior. It is a mere inconvenience.?
Dave, as he so aptly put it, watches holes, not moles. For $129 he’ll come out, inspect the site and take the war to a whole new, high-tech level. He’ll whack ’em and stack ’em for $75 a head.
If you have a war going on in your yard, I guess you can consider Dave your personal mole mercenary. Call in the cavalry at 248-432-2712.
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Was just reading the last Michigan Press Association newsletter, The Bulletin. I found the following paragraph particularly interesting and have chalked it up to being an election year, union bosses and behind the scene cigar smoking.
‘House Bill 6213 passed out of the State House yesterday by a vote of 57-49. Although nine members of the House Democratic Caucus co-sponsored the bill, not a single Democratic lawmaker voted in favor of the bill in committee or on the House Floor . . .?
It doesn’t matter what HB 6213 is about, only that if you co-sponsor something you must believe in it . . . and if you don’t vote in favor of something you believe in, what do you vote for?
Lawmakers, Democrat and Republican alike, need to understand the voting population rank politicians in trustworthiness right below journalists for a reason — that paragraph is a good indicator of why people don’t trust ’em.
(As not to make you guess, HB 6213 is legislation on fixing previous overtime legislation.)
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Folks, gas up the family wagon, pack the cooler full of bologna sandwiches and Towne Club soda pop. On Friday and Saturday (July 7-8) Elvi invade Michigan.
Yep, there’ll be a whole lot of hip shakin? going on in ‘historic? Ypsilanti when the Michigan Elvisfest starts at 5 p.m. that Friday. It’s true, I have the press packet in front of me this very moment. I see full-color old Elvises, young Elvises, fat and skinny Elvises. There’ll be tight-fittin? leather breeches and jackets plus sequinned jumper suits for Elvis fans to walk amongst. Just remember, don’t be cruel. No laughing too loud.
For more information you can call 1-734-480-3974, extension 2.
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Recently, college kid Chris Gray, did a report on columnists — and somehow I was wrangled into answering questions, and giving my opinion, as were about a dozen other columnists from around the state (name drop time) including the Detroit News? Neil Rubin, the Oakland Press? Keith Langlois, MetroTimes? Jack Lessenberry and the Flint Journal’s Andy Heller.
Why anybody would ask a columnist his or her opinion when they can be readily read, is beyond me, but Chris did. Here’s what Chris wrote . . .
‘Columns are like a sandbox for reporters, allowing them to create whatever they please within the given space . . . it was discovered that while all columns are made of the same idea of telling a truth, they are as different as a sandcastle is to a dragon sculpture.?
How poetic. I guess the other writers gave substantially more philosophical answers to their questions. When asked about what type of column I pen, said I:
‘Mine — my thoughts, my opinions, my mistakes, me, me, me . . .? Do you think that sounded too self-centered? Nah.
Maybe that’s why Chris didn’t pull an ‘A? on this report.